Author: Debra Shade

Board Certified Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. I help individuals and couples through barriers to orgasm and techniques on how to have their best experience. I consult on various topics of sexual exploration and acceptance. I believe whole-heartedly that sexual health is a necessity for every human seeking to have an human experience. There are many opportunities, so reach out via debrashade.youcanbook.me and get 15 minute free consultation and determine what your goals are and then work on executing what you learn to reach the goals you set. I am here for the whole ride. Completing the sexual response cycle is a necessity for your body. There are many health benefits of completing the circle of climax. Reach out and let's talk about it.
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The Art of Cum Eating

The sensory aspects of cum eating (CEI) are as varied as the individuals who practice it. Semen’s taste and texture can range from sweet to salty, thick to runny. Some enthusiasts experiment with diet and supplements to alter these qualities, enhancing the experience for both the giver and the receiver. Consistency and volume may be a concern for some. The amount and texture of semen can vary greatly from person to person, which might affect the experience. Some might find the consistency or volume less appealing. Just as the taste and smell can be. Semen can have a bitter, salty, or slightly bleach-like taste, which is not to everyone’s liking. Its smell can also be a turn-off for some individuals.

In many cases, CEI becomes a ritualistic part of sexual play. The buildup to the moment of ejaculation can be drawn out through edging, dirty talk, or other forms of tease and denial. This anticipation often heightens the intensity of the eventual release and consumption. CEI is a multifaceted practice that defies simplistic categorization. It’s a complex interplay of power dynamics, intimacy, and humiliation, woven together by the threads of desire and surrender. By embracing this complexity, we can unlock the true potential of CEI, exploring the depths of human sexuality and the intricacies of the human experience. Let’s delve into the world of cum eating, exploring its significance, benefits, and how to incorporate it into your kink play.

 

The power exchange in CEI is palpable. The dominant partner wields control over the submissive’s body, dictating when and how the ejaculate is to be consumed. This dynamic can be intensely erotic, reinforcing the roles of each participant in the encounter. Beyond the kink, CEI can foster a profound sense of intimacy. Sharing such a vulnerable and personal act can strengthen emotional bonds and foster a sense of closeness that transcends the physical realm. CEI isn’t confined to one-on-one interactions. It can be a part of solo masturbation, where one savors their own essence, or within group settings, where multiple partners may share in the experience. Each variation brings its own unique flavor to the practice.

 

Personal Anecdote:

CEI has brought my partner and me closer together. It’s a way for us to connect on a deeper level, to share in each other’s desires and vulnerabilities. The intimacy is palpable, and the bond we’ve formed is unbreakable. – Michael, 32

 

Cum eating, also known as creampie eating, is a fascinating aspect of human sexuality that often sparks intense curiosity and desire. For those who identify as kinksters, cum eating can be a powerful tool for exploring submission, humiliation, and intimacy. This is a sexual practice that transcends the mere act of ingestion, it’s an intimate, sometimes taboo, expression of power dynamics, surrender, and pleasure. For many, it’s a core component of their sexual identity and a source of profound erotic satisfaction.

 

The Psychology of Cum Eating

The intricacies of CEI, from its psychological underpinnings to the raw, carnal experiences it entails. Cum eating is often associated with submission, humiliation, and degradation. The act of consuming one’s own semen can be a potent symbol of surrender, allowing the individual to tap into their deepest desires and fears. This fetish can be particularly appealing to those who enjoy being dominated, as it allows them to relinquish control and surrender to their partner’s desires.

 

Moreover, cum eating can be a form of self-discovery, allowing individuals to confront their own shame and guilt surrounding sexuality. By embracing this taboo activity, kinksters can develop a deeper understanding of their own desires and boundaries, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and authentic sexual experience. It often involves a dominant partner directing the submissive to consume their own ejaculate. This act can be laden with layers of meaning, from the ultimate submission to a deeply intimate connection.

 

So, what makes cum eating so appealing to kinksters? For starters, it can be an incredibly intimate and personal experience, allowing partners to connect on a deeper level. The act of consuming semen can create a sense of unity and closeness as if the individuals are sharing a secret that only they understand. Cum eating can also be a powerful tool for building trust and communication in a relationship. When partners engage in this activity, they must communicate their desires, boundaries, and preferences, fostering a deeper understanding and connection.

 

As a pornographic author, this is a great place to slip in a scene that I hope you find as fun to read, as I do writing it. Drop me a “Yes I did!” on any social media platform of mine (https://linktr.ee/shadeyontop) and let’s gauge the number of common minds among the readers of ASN. I will call this the Bitter Taste of Humiliation:

 

“Listen up, pathetic little worm. You’re going to do exactly as I say, and you’re going to hate every minute of it. First, I want you to jerk off into a cup. Yes, a cup. Not a fancy glass or a plate, but a plain, dirty cup. Make sure you fill it to the brim with your pitiful excuse for an orgasm.

 

Now, I want you to take a good look at that disgusting, gloopy mess you’ve created. That’s what you’re going to have to eat. Think about all the bacteria, the germs, the sheer grossness of it all. You’re going to have to swallow every last drop of that vile substance, and you’re going to do it with a smile on your face.

 

Pick up the cup and take a sip. Yes, just a sip. Don’t think you can get it all down in one go, you’re not that brave. Take a sip and savor the bitter taste of your own humiliation. Feel the texture of your ejaculate coating your tongue, the roof of your mouth, and the back of your throat. It’s a flavor you’ll never forget, and one that will haunt you for the rest of your miserable life.

 

Now, I want you to take a picture of yourself with the cup and send it to me. Make sure you’re smiling, and that you’re holding the cup up like a trophy. You’re going to have to stare at that disgusting image for the rest of the day, reminding yourself of your own patheticness.”

 

Establish a clear power dynamic: The dominant partner must assert their control, setting the tone for the encounter.

Tease and deny: Edging, dirty talk, or other forms of tease and denial can heighten the anticipation and intensity of the eventual release.

Ejaculate on command: The dominant partner directs the submissive to ejaculate, often with a sense of urgency or humiliation.

Consume the ejaculate: The submissive is forced to consume their own semen, sometimes with humiliating phrases or actions accompanying the act.

 

So, now I have you interested in exploring cum eating, where do you start? Communication is key, before engaging in cum eating, it’s essential to discuss your desires, boundaries, and preferences with your partner. Make sure you’re both comfortable with the activity and understand each other’s needs. Begin with small amounts of semen, gradually increasing the quantity as you become more comfortable with the activity. Experiment with different techniques and methods of cum eating, such as using your fingers, tongue, or mouth. Experiment with different textures, temperatures, and sensations to find what works best for you. Turn cum eating into a ritualistic experience, incorporating elements like bondage, role-playing, or sensory deprivation to enhance the experience.

 

Cum eating can be seamlessly integrated into various kink play scenarios, adding an extra layer of excitement and intimacy to your encounters. Role-play for instance, by engaging in role-playing scenarios where one partner is the “cum-slave,” forced to consume the semen of their master or mistress. Sensory deprivation combines with cum eating with a blindfold or earplugs, to heighten the sense of intimacy and vulnerability.

 

Personal Anecdote

I never thought I’d be into CEI, but my partner’s dominant nature and my own submissive desires made it a natural fit. The first time, I was nervous, but the rush of adrenaline and the sense of surrender were intoxicating. Now, it’s a staple of our sexual routine. – Rachel, 29

 

CEI often intersects with other kinks and sub-fetishes. Beyond the humiliation aspect, it can foster a profound sense of intimacy. Sharing such a vulnerable and personal act can strengthen emotional bonds and foster a sense of closeness that transcends the physical realm. The power exchange in CEI is palpable. The dominant partner wields control over the submissive’s body, dictating when and how the ejaculate is to be consumed. This dynamic can be intensely erotic, reinforcing the roles of each participant in the encounter.

 

BDSM: CEI can be a natural extension of BDSM practices, where the dominant partner asserts control over the submissive’s body. Erotic Humiliation: CEI can be a form of erotic humiliation, where the submissive is forced to confront their own desires and vulnerabilities. Cuckolding: CEI can be a part of cuckolding scenarios, where the submissive partner is forced to consume the ejaculate of their partner’s lover.

Try these steps:

 

Establish a connection: The partners must be comfortable with each other, sharing a deep emotional bond.

Create a sensual atmosphere: Soft lighting, gentle music, and a relaxed environment can set the tone for a more intimate experience.

Ejaculate together: The partners can ejaculate simultaneously, heightening the sense of connection and intimacy.

Consume the ejaculate together: The partners can share in the act of consuming each other’s semen, further solidifying their emotional bond.

 

While cum eating is a popular and often eroticized practice within certain adult content circles, there are some downsides and considerations to keep in mind. Health Risks – if there are any sexually transmitted infections (STIs) present in either partner, consuming semen can transmit these infections. Although semen is generally safe to ingest, there is a risk of allergic reactions in some individuals, known as seminal plasma hypersensitivity.

 

Consider the nutritional content as a benefit and/or a downside. Semen contains proteins, vitamins, and minerals, the quantities are so small that it is not a viable source of nutrition. This can be a downside for those who might consume it with nutritional expectations. The pressure to perform for a partner or audience can lead to performance anxiety. Fetish stigmatization is often tied to themes of dominance and submission, and not everyone is comfortable with, or approves of, such power dynamics in their sexual expression. The stigma associated with this fetish might lead to embarrassment or discomfort when discussing preferences with partners.

 

The practicality and cleanliness of the owner should also be considered. Managing the logistics of cum eating, such as where and how to consume the semen, can be impractical and messy. Clean-up post-act can also be a concern for those who prefer less messy sexual activities.

 

It’s important to communicate openly with partners about comfort levels, boundaries, and health status before engaging in any sexual activity, including CEI. Consent and mutual enjoyment should always be the top priorities. If all parties involved are informed, consenting, and comfortable with the practice, it can be a fulfilling part of their sexual expression. However, understanding and respecting individual limits and preferences is crucial.

 

While CEI is generally safe, it’s important to consider the health aspects of any sexual activity. Societal attitudes toward CEI have evolved over time. The cultural perceptions have shaped the practice and how the rise of adult content platforms has contributed to its growing acceptance. Whether viewed as an act of submission, a display of dominance, or a testament to intimacy, CEI remains a potent symbol of human sexuality in all its diversity and complexity. Cum eating is a complex and multifaceted fetish that offers a unique window into the world of human sexuality. By embracing this taboo activity, kinksters can explore new dimensions of intimacy, submission, and self-discovery. Remember to communicate openly with your partner, start slowly, and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

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Become the Masturbation Master

This is not a myth! You can master your masturbation sessions and make each one of them orgasmic. If orgasm is your goal, then it includes figuring out your orgasm formula. The math is: ? +/- ? = Orgasm. The question marks can be anything, any combination of things. Because we do not have a history of conversations about sex for pleasure, many of us are without the language to explore it.  As an Orgasm coach, I have spent a lot of time researching the orgasm and its puzzling pieces.  There are many things that need to take place for an orgasm to be achieved.  There MUST be arousal. You will not be able to enjoy an explosive, memorable orgasm without arousal.

During arousal hormones are released that cause the penis to erect and the vagina to secret a natural lubricant.  The plateau is at full arousal, but not orgasm.  The body is fully engaged in stimulation and pleasure. Then there is the orgasm. The release and peak of ejaculate. All humans, without prohibitive medical issues, can ejaculate. Which leads to the final phase – resolution. Post orgasm is when the breath is hard to catch, the muscles that were tight are relaxing while your genitals are contracting and the combination of hormones flowing through your head and body make you feel completely relaxed.

This is the completion of the sexual response cycle. You can go through this cycle with or without a mate(s). One of my favorite topics to teach is the art of masturbating.  Masturbation takes a little bit of confidence and a safe environment. Not “safe”, behind closed and locked doors or under the basement steps.  A space where you can be free to explore your body’s pleasure points at your pace, without shame or guilt and most definitely as free with your exploration as possible. Take the time to set up your space for your personal love making.  Whatever that looks like for you. Candles, a steamy bath, a toy or two, lube. Definitely lube. Even if you think that you get as slippery as a slide, lube will change the feeling of touch and pressure that you will find much funnier. Place everything you may need within arm’s reach. This will allow you to flow freely through the process you choose to take.

When you have set the stage, give yourself permission to take pleasure from your touch. When you begin to pass your hands over all parts of the flesh that you can reach, take note of how your body is responding to it.  Can you feel tingles or feel yourself holding your breathe in certain areas? This is what you want to feel.  You don’t have to go from your head to your toe.  You can touch wherever you wish, especially where you already know is pleasing to touch. When you feel your arousal building, welcome it.  Allow it to wash over your body and become the catalyst for your next move. Hopefully you pre-clicked the lid on the lube making it easier for you to use without interruption.

Include your nipples, tug at your chest hairs, hug yourself, use your heels to rub pressure through your other calf.  Muscle tension plays a role in orgasm, but don’t hold onto that tension.  Breathe through it. Take in slow breaths to a count of four or six and letting it out slowly for four. Allow this flow of air to ride the wave of pleasure that you are creating. If you are stroking your penis, do it with the in and outtake of your breath, which should be increasing and working its’ way to panting. If you find that placing fingers in your vagina, or your mouth, takes you steps closer to release, then keep up what you are doing.  Don’t worry about the way your body is moving or what you sound like; especially how loud you are.

Relax. Don’t give up your permission to have this experience. Masturbation that leads to orgasms are a great mechanism to reach my prescribed goal of three orgasms a week.  The release of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin flooding your brain and coursing through your body, has the ability to lower your blood pressure and cortisol levels.  They act as an antidepressant and antihistamine due to the relaxation of your body and muscles, you let go of stress and enjoy the feel good, cuddly pool of bliss you have created.  In addition, it relives pain – yes even headaches. I believe that if people know these benefits, they will have more orgasms and if you are going to do that, you should do it for and with pleasure. Masturbate and learn your orgasm formula and then use appropriate language to share this with your lover(s).   #HappyNewYear

https://www.sexpert.com/become-the-masturbation-master/

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Sex Down South 2022 Blew My Mind

Have you ever heard about the Sex Down South Conference? It just took place in Atlanta, GA at the Sheraton downtown from September 6 -9th.  IT WAS PHENOMENAL! Foremost it is a space for POC who seemed to be as queer as me and completely open to what the weekend was sure to hold.  I was so excited to be surrounded by so many people that looked like me and were in the field or interested in sex education. The workshops were so good and so fulfilling.  The workshop that I delivered was called Give Your Orgasm a Voice. I spoke about the A, C, P, G, V, Deep, Cul de Sac and of course clitoral orgasms. We talked about how you can build multiple orgasms by understanding where in the vagina these areas are. My passion area. Orgasms.  I absolutely loved the conversation we had. While the audience was mostly vagina owners, there were a few penis owners, and I was so glad to see them.  I am always pleased to have penis owners who play with vaginas, in my vaginal orgasm courses. I feel like I am sneaky them knowledge that will make them better lovers.

The workshops where layered so I missed a few that I wanted to attend based on the title, I really wanted to attend but I got really interested in the one I was sitting in.  The other workshops were stella I hear.  Unbelievable movement in Perele Noire, a black burlesque icon’s workshop. She has performed this workshop all over the Country. Yes, I was moving on my recently replaced knee with so much freedom in my sexuality and the way my body communicated it, that I felt lifted.  We danced with permission from our ancestors, and we became present with our seductive selves.  Our energy filled the room as we had to moan and grunt out our feelings. Then there was Queen Jaae who delivered on being black and kinky. I really connected with this one because I am developing a workshop on the POC culture of Kink vs. Disapproval, discipline and negativity.

People were walking around naked; vendors were selling the most interesting products of sexual pleasure and education.  There where actually three vendors who had created an adult game for date night or party. Games that made it impossible for your mate not to share their truth.  I remember looking for adult games that included real black culture issues within relationships and coming up blank.  I am proud to have met three game makers.  I can’t forget to share the end of the evening. A party called the Little Bang and on Saturday the Big Bang was packed with erotic, sexual entertainment.  I witness a full body oil massage where the masseuse used her entire body to slide, drag, hump, and gyrate as she was applying pressure in his muscles. Flipping herself from his head to toe and back again.  Totally arousing and stimulating. I have got to be on one end of this type of massage as soon as possible.

I know, I have been word vomiting about this conference, but I truly had the best time, and this is my third year going and my first time presenting. Bookmark ‘sexdownsouth.com’ and follow the journey to next year. Buy your ticket early and be prepared to be challenged and uplifted in the same breath. If you are a sex educator, this is a great conference to be associated with.  Watch for their posting calling for proposals and/or vendors.  The variety in vendors was also amazing.  There weren’t six tables all selling dildos.  There where businesses and organizations that represented women studies, black male mental health, HIV erasure, a bookstore brought in sex education, erotica and other books and magazines.  Really, there was so much going on.  It wasn’t until the last day that I was there that I found in a hallway an aftercare space where you could go in and join a snuggle puddle, lay quietly, or get a back massage.

They even converted two of the conference rooms into a dungeon with the most interesting furniture.  A huge cage, X cross, spanking benches, shadow box and a few swings.  I liked that everything was portable.  I am in the market for portable furniture for my venue.  I am telling you; this conference touched my whole life!  I got so much from it.  Sex Down South proved to be a must attend conference.

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Milking

So many penis owners may tell you that any suggestion of anal is off the table. It’s a hard no they say. They simply don’t believe the pleasure that exist with anal sex does not equate to being “gay”. Anal sex is possible by all humans because we all have an anus. The only way to reach the prostate, which is internal, is through the rectum. You can also touch against the prostate by pressing against the perineum between the scrotum and the anus. That fine thin line there, with a little pressure will bring on the need to ejaculate. This technique is called a doorbell.

Because you are pressing in at the space like you would a bell. A hand job is an easy add-on to anal sex for the giver and the receiver. You should pick up the pace as climax approaches, stroking the entire length of the shaft. The bottom of it all, is that to touch the prostate (P-spot) for anal orgasm is to enter the rectum about two inches in and make a come-hither motion with your finger or use a toy to reach them. It feels like waves of pleasure that starts off deep inside their body and then spreads throughout the rest of the body. Many say that it is equative to a G-spot orgasm for vulva owners.

A large part of the hesitation for penis owners is the belief that anal is painful. Pain does not have to be a part of the process. Anal takes patience and a whole lot of lube. While there may be minor discomfort the first time or two, if the giver is taught how to give, the pleasure will be there from start to finish. Severe pain means that you must stop instantly. The anus does not secrete its own fluids, hence the need for lube. Without it, you can tear, break and bruise the rectum. Be sure to prep the anus inside and out. Use your finger to trace the rim, slowly enter the anus. At this stage you do not want to go in and out, you want to keep moving forward into the anus. The receiver should be relaxed and aroused. Once you have successfully entered and lubricated the anus you can insert the penis or a toy. Again, do not thrust until you are fully in. If the receiver is on their knees and relaxes their spine, it will flatten the sigmoid colon at the base of the intensions. Relaxing this ‘S’ shape will allow the depth of penetration needed to stimulate the prostrate without pain. Once you are fully in, try to stay in so that re-entry is not a mood killer.

Milking the prostate is stimulating them by any means in which there is an ejaculation of the fluid built up into the prostate. The more turned on you are, the more enjoyable anal will be for you. You can fantasize, watch your favorite type of porn or listen to music that arouses and relaxes you. You need to present yourself ready for this milking. Take a hot bath or shower in which you can stimulate erogenous zones that will get your juices flowing for the act itself. The hot water will loosen tight muscles and increase blood flow to the area. As an Orgasm Coach, I tell my clients to practice anal first. Use a butt plug, (which comes in many sizes), again taking things slow and find pleasure by teasing the rim before you enter.

Now, as the giver you need to be confident in the ability to follow through with anal play. You should do a few things that will help you deliver a great experience. Make sure your nails are clean and shaped, preferably short, so that when you prep the area, you will not damage the skin in anyway. As in any sex act, your hygiene is important. You could wear latex gloves with cotton balls at the tips for comfort. It is advantageous to use a condom. You can use them on a toy or your fingers as well as the folic. If you opt to use your tongue you can use a dental dam made from a cut open condom or saran wrap. If you are not in the best mood, you should avoid giving anal. It takes your ability to provide kissing, touching and licking of the area to give the person pleasure and get them aroused and ready for the entry.

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The Skene’s Glands Do Not Release Pee

Pee comes from your bladder. Understanding a little bit about anatomy allows you to explore pleasurable sensation, especially if they lead to a climax. Especially when that climax is ejaculatory. When you get the chance, Google “Skene’s Glands” and get lost in articles and studies that indicate that the Skene’s Glands hold urine. The glands, there are 2 of them, are located on either side of the urethra. Studies show that they secrete in and outside of the urethra creating wetness that is helpful. I cringe when I hear or read an individual staying that squirting is pee. Why do I mention squirting? Because the fluid that is ejaculated comes from the Skene’s Glands. I simply don’t understand the confusion. Why does most of the research and studies done to determine what squirting is reports that it is inconclusive after all this time. It seems so clear to me. Sperm does not come from the bladder of a penis owner. How would it make sense that they are also called the “female prostate” because the development, and makeup of the glands are the same as the prostate in males? Penis’s do not dispel pee and sperm at the same time. Right. We know this. So why is it so “inconclusive” that the female glands are not ejecting pee.

The glands lubricate the vagina during arousal and are surrounded with clitoral tissue that swells during arousal as well. When they fill with fluid, they can eject between 1.6907oz to .2377oz. I tell people that it’s between a teaspoon and two cups. It feels like you have to pee. It feels like your bladder is full. Have you ever stopped sex because you thought you were about to pee? Many have. As an Orgasm Coach, I tell people to use that as a sign that your orgasm is building, and you should begin to relax and breathe into the feeling. Allow it to wash over you and let that feeling go down the belly to the vagina and the glands will do the rest. They ejaculate a clear liquid, with no smell. If this is not the case, if it has a smell or coloration, the person needs to seek medical attention. There could be an imbalance that is causing an infection of some sort. The orgasm is all consuming, head to toe bliss. It is because this fluid shares the urethra that feeling like you need to pee exist. Although if it was, pee is 95% water, and a little golden shower hasn’t hurt anyone. Kidding. Be comfortable in knowing that you are not peeing on your partner. Like the penis born body, it is not possible to pee and ejaculate at the same time.

The glands are also important for both urinary and sexual health. The more intense your orgasm is the better benefits you are receiving. There are several hormones that are activated and aid in the process of orgasm. Endorphins and oxytocin, the feel-good hormones are released the earliest. Oxytocin also wipes out cortisol which is the major stress hormone. There are over 30 active parts of the brain involved in orgasm. The rest is in your bodies ability to listen and react to the brain. If it feels good, keep it up. The pleasure chemical dopamine is released and aids in the feeling of pleasure, which gives you the motivation to do something when you are feeling this pleasure. Plus, orgasms, especially squirting orgasms, boost your immune system. If you are having an active sex life, like twice a week, you will increase your immunoglobulin A by 30% which boosts immunity. Finally, when you climax you release serotonin and DHEA which means if you pick up your orgasm quota you will boost your mood. Hence why we say that orgasms can help soothe depression.


To reach this Gspot, you go into the vagina about 2-3 inches. First you must know that the clitoris is much longer than the clitoris. The internal clitoris is long. The space that is at the curve (imagine a wishbone), in that ‘between’ space will swell with arousal and when stimulated with your fingers, penis or toy in the right position with the right pressure, speed and force, ejaculation will happen. With that stimulation the full Skene’s glands will release. If you are concerned about the cleanup put down some towels down first. Again, the fluid is harmless. The glands play a very important role in the process of squirting and sexual pleasure.

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Penis Worshipping

The BDSM community is close knit in most communities all over the world When you find your happy dungeon, you have found a home in which you can enjoy your fetishes in a safe space. BDSM play is ever changing and looks different for all players. I could not create an exhaustive list of all the versions of play that can be developed. It is heavily dependent on the wants of the players. Many individuals outside of the community believe that BDSM is some sort of abuse because they see the relationship between dom and sub as something the sub has no control over. This is so far from the truth and the reality of the practice.

How does someone enter the world of BDSM? This is different for everyone. A little exploration and you can find your local dungeons and/or swingers clubs. I am so excited that I can offer a place to play in Columbus, OH where all humans are free to come and play. Newbies can inquire about the space and visit on Thursdays so that they can explore their pleasure points. I opened Shades Oasis with the intent to offer the BDSM community a location in an area highly underserved. The Midwest is known for its sexual activity and diversity in what people find pleasure in. I have been hosting kink parties all over the East Coast and opening my own space is a real dream come true. Masters in my area have helped me in creating a dungeon space where submissive and dominates can receive the pleasure they seek. So, if you are ever in the area, come check out Shades Oasis. As a Clinical Sexologist I guide individuals through multiple orgasms and deliver a workshop during my events. One of the things that many people ask me to talk to them about is what to do with the rest of the penis born body. Meaning, after a hand job or a blow job then what?

I always suggest penis worshipping. Phallicism is what genital worshipping is. It is mainly performed in cuckold-type scenarios and can be done with no contact at all. An understanding of the penis structure will help in understanding pleasure points that you can stimulate to add additional pleasure and excitement. A penis is twice as long as you think. Half the length of the penis is inside of the body. A healthy penis has five to six erections per day. Most of them nocturnal. While it is not clear why it happens, it is a sign that the penis is healthy. Individuals who understand their penis health can speak up about their penis pleasure. Letting the worshipper know what is going to work for them. A penile erection can point in virtually any direction, straight ahead, left, or right, up, or down, there’s no right or wrong. The opening at the tip of the penis is the opening of the urethra tube. This tube is where sperm and urine pass through. Usually, the owner may feel a full bladder when they are about to ejaculate. As the giver, knowing that the urethra opening can be stimulated for pleasure, means you can add a move when you get to the mouth portion of the ceremony.

As the giver, be sure you stay mindful that the penis has no bone. It is very possible to break the penis through vigorous sex but is less likely to happen if you are performing a blow job. Worshipping requires more of a verbal or fellatio activity. Saying things like, “Your penis/dick is so powerful”, or “It looks so powerful”. Keeping eye contact, whisper things that lets them know you appreciate the privilege of worshipping the penis. The same with fellatio. Allow yourself to enjoy the penis. Moaning lets them know you are loving it. However, you express your passion, let it wash over you so that you can have pleasure as well. What you need to do is focus on the penis unless the discussion was had about touching other areas of the genitals. For example, the raphe is the dividing line that runs across the middle of their genitalia from the anus to the tip of the penis, down over the perineum, scrotum, and shaft. You can add intensity to the orgasm by using your tongue to trace over the line and teasing them into your mouth. The perineum is REALLY sensitive and worth exploring. Press your knuckles gently into this spot and start massaging. Right as they are about to orgasm, push your knuckles a little deeper to extend the fireworks.



A quick tip, don’t make this your porno appearance. Don’t say anything that is not believable or personal. This is meant to build a bond between you two so there is no need to shout your compliments. You really can focus on anything but try to be as genuine as possible. Commenting on taste, length, girth, smoothness, lumps, veins, and bumps. This will give them newfound confidence in their naked form and free themselves from insecurities or they can dominate you in your submissive role.

Try to spice things up with something totally pleasurable like a reverse finger job. Tell them that the “penis is so large”, or “your girth is amazing” while you are making two tight rings around the penis with your thumb and index finger, stacking them one on top of the other in the middle of the shaft. Twist the rings in opposite directions moving from middle to the top and base of the shaft at the same time. This will cause great excitement that they will feel in their belly. Testicles have a seam that keeps the scrotums in separate sacks. It is a nerve rich pleasure trail that runs top to bottom along the scrotum. Cradle the balls in one hand while gently pressing the first two fingertips of your other hand into the top of the crease, close to where the testicles connect to the base of the penis. Then trace downward with your fingers until you reach the bottom of the scrotum. It is important to be deliberate in your movements and keep eye contact with your mate.

You can also add pleasure by using a cock ring to extend the play. The more wet the fellatio is, the better it feels for the receiver. Keep adding wetness as you move the penis in your mouth. To add visual pleasure, place your hands behind your back submissively and allow him to “Feed you their dick” upon request. That’s right, you need to worship the penis continuously verbally through the entire scene. They love to see your eyes and the expression you are making to truly gauge how much you are enjoying yourself if that is part of the play. It could include humiliation in which they may be dominating you to worship their penis with a goal of not giving you any release. When you do perform, be sure that you are in a comfortable position to withstand however long it may take for the Dom to allow himself to cum. Happily, accept the ejaculation and let him know “How great it is to taste him.”



Some more about penis worship that needs to be mentioned is that it has been an ancient eastern practice for generations. The act has been taught by master tantra practitioners as the experience can be quite intense and sensual. Cuckolding or humiliation might be something you want to give as a penis owner. Enjoy the experience with your mate and worship the penis with them. The possibilities are open to what ever your comfort level is. What boundary did you set and what are the goals you want to reach as a receiver and a giver? The number one issue that penis owners have around receiving worship is sexual anxiety. Maybe they have issues about the shape, appearance, size or even function of their penis. It becomes an antidote of confidence as you accept the adoration and love being showed to you. Regardless of the descriptions of the giver, worshipping a penis can be done in various of ways.

Many individuals aim to celebrate everything about their partner’s cock and strive to make them feel empowered, dominate, and aroused. Of course, this can be done with a strap on as well. It reinforces dominate and submissive roles. Many set the environment up for play. Perform a sort of ceremonial style environment. There are two sides to every experience so give it a shot, it has some great benefits, including healing emotional scars about past penis insecurities. Many people feel happy when they can make others feel happy. This excitement on the givers part adds pleasure to the scene. Use it to say, “Thank you for this penis.” Penis worship allows you to get all your sexual adoration out and grow closer with your partner.



The environment is important when it comes to cock worship. As it is a sensual practice, you have got to create and equally sensual environment. It is hard to focus on the ceremony if you have laundry in the corner of your eye or the bed unmade. Remove such distractions and make the room as sensual as possible with accessories, scents, and candles. Dimming the lights and presenting yourself clean, groomed, and prepared. We know that the receiver has a better experience when the groundwork to discover his hang-ups and pain points before play, allows them to relax into the experience or take control of the situation. The more things that they like that you can include in the ritual the better it will be. For it to be a great experience, you need to have enough time to do everything you want to do. It is not the same as a blowjob, allow yourself to focus fully on the ceremony and enjoy every part of it no matter how long it takes.

Whether you are in your bedroom, living room or local dungeon, do your best to set the space. Then invite them into it to let the scene began. You can start with light kissing and then based on the situation undress your mate or lower their pants. Be sure that you are giving them enough time to warm up. This is important as you must be aroused to produce orgasm. If you don’t allow them this time, not only will it take longer but you will see less cock to worship. Pick up on signs of pleasure and arousal before you begin the ceremony fully. Slide down to the level of the cock and be sure you are enthusiastic about what you see. That is the whole purpose. To show them how much you love and appreciate their penis.

Start slow and work your way up to the bigger stuff. Focus on each individual area of the genitalia. This includes the cock, balls, taint, and butt if you know your mate is into these things. Lightly touching and kissing the cock and these areas is a good way to start your worship. Your hands become important if you can use them in the right way. You are not going to jerk the penis off. This is not a hand job either. This is much different, instead of jerking you massage the penis. If you find yourself doing the actions of a hand job you may shorten the experience by making them cum. You should try to use your hands to massage and show adoration to the cock, slow, deep massaging movements. Of course, adding oils makes it a little more sensual.



Next, get your mouth involved. Don’t fall into a blow job, keep up slower movement that focus on areas of the cock. Use your tongue to stimulate the tip of the penis, hold it in your mouth to feel its fullness. If you really like the feel of a cock in your month, let them know this. It may give them more pleasure knowing that you are enjoying their most powerful source. When the scene is over, you and your mate should debrief and discuss how confident, aroused, and empowered they feel. This may bring up a request for further play. They may ask you to do something you already did or have some other idea of worship they want you to perform. Lastly, the worship may or may not bring release to the receiver so you may have to finish them off. You can move onto some sexual things that help you both climax.



Finally, use one of these positions to deliver the best worship scene. The kneeling BJ position requires you to be on your knees in front of them while they are standing upright. The Boss Chair is to have the receiver sit in a comfortable chair and then you kneel in front of them. This should place the cock right where you need it to make worshipping comfortable for you. This makes it easier for you to position close enough to perform in this position that gives the receiver a sense of empowerment. The Doctor Position is performed on a sofa. They lie down with their head propped up on the armrest or pillow. You kneel at the side of the sofa to perform worship. This is a totally relaxing position allowing them to focus fully on you and your worship.
Using the technique of the Lingam-heart ritual, you can control the flow of sexual energy between two partners. The Lingam is a Sanskrit word that means ‘wand of light.’ Place one hand on the ‘Lingam(cock)’ and the other on their heart and picture the flow of energy between these two points. Again, get your accessories together and add them into the game. Role play and if you want to reverse the roles, pussy worship is just the same. Learn more about this sacred practice. It is not something that you should do every day. Keep it a special act that you can do when you have the time. There is more than the orgasm to be enjoyed by participants. Regardless of what your skill level in BDSM scenes, you can learn to worship a penis. You can learn to use energy and space to create a level of arousal that they may release. There is much more that you can do with the penis born body, but I will tell you that in another article. Have a great month full of orgasms.

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Kink or Fetish

https://www.sexpert.com/fetish-or-kink/

The difference between a Kink or Fetish is the level of commitment to the activity.  If it is something that is wanted and increases sexual pleasure to a point where you may or may not have an orgasm, this is a kink.  A fetish is when you MUST have the item or fantasy in order to experience an orgasm.