Author: Debra Shade

Board Certified Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. As an Orgasm Coach, I help individuals and couples through barriers to orgasm or techniques on how to have their best experience. I consult on various topics of sexual exploration and acceptance. I believe whole-heartedly that sexual health is a necessity for every human seeking to have an human experience. There are many opportunities to each out via debrashade.youcanbook.me and get the 15 minute free consultation and determine what your goals are and then work on executing what you learn to reach the goals you set. I am here for the whole ride. Completing the sexual response cycle is a necessity for your body. There are many health benefits of completing the circle of climax. Reach out and let's talk about it.
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Breath and Orgasm

Breath is so important in orgasm it holds the intensity of the experience at bay. You must find a way to master your breath during orgasm so that you can have the most fulfilling experience. Here is a little exercise you can do to train your body to breath mindfully. First, find a comfortable seat, be sure to sit upright, and take a regular deep breath in and out to prepare. With your next inhale, purse your lips like you were sipping through a straw. This allows you to control the air as it comes in.

Sip air slowly in, and engage your PC muscles at the very bottom, like you are stopping a stream of pee. Avoid the urge to clench your glutes. continue to sip air in and imagine you are zipping up the muscles around the energy that is lifting through the spine, keeping them engaged as you go. Pull in your lower abdominal muscles. Suck in your belly button. Draw your shoulders back and widen your collarbones. Tuck your chin in and lengthen the back of your neck, looking down gently. Once you are full of air, seal the lips and hold your breath with all muscles along the spine are engaged.

When you’re ready to release, open your mouth slightly and imagine energy pouring from the crown of the head, down the front of the body, now softening each muscle group on its way down. Relax the neck. Relax the shoulders. Let your belly hang out. Rest your lower abdominal muscles. Lastly, release the PC muscles completely and surrender. Repeat up to 15 times. When you are done, be sure to relax, and breathe normally for a few breaths while remaining in a state of surrender. Sometimes taking guidance from your hands mobbing up and down with breath can help. Enjoy the benefits of breath during your next orgasm.  Practice mindful breathing so that when the moment comes, you can tune in and have a more intense orgasmic experience. Good Luck.

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Endometriosis and Sexual Health

https://www.sexpert.com/endometriosis-and-sexual-health/

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O is for Orgasm

woman in leopard print panty sitting on bed

https://shadyontop.blogspot.com/2021/03/o-is-for-orgasm.html

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It’s G Not A

There are erogenous zones within the vagina that can cause orgasm. One for sure is ejaculatory. Squirting. Vulva ejaculation is something that I get asked about all the time.  As an Orgasm Coach, being able to get an individual to experience an ejaculatory orgasm gives me gold stars.  It is an exciting act to watch and feel.  The problem is, it’s often confused with the Aspot.  The Anterior Fornix is a very sensitive source of pleasure.  Intense pleasure. But for most, not the kind that will cause you to ejaculate. 

Thus, the problem. Many are disappointed because they feel such intense pleasure with no ejaculation and figure they are broken or can’t produce the fluid.  The fluid is created in the Skene’s Glands and builds as arousal builds. This fluid is different than the secretion that lubricates the vaginal wall. This fluid is special and full of healthy vitamins and hormones. Minus any effects of medications or hormone issues, you can produce this fluid. As it builds the feeling of pressure in the bladder becomes noticeable.  So much so that you think you may pee. Often, stopping the play to go to the bathroom.  You may or may not actually go.  The feeling is coming from the urethra tube preparing to release the ejaculate.  Both urine and the ejaculate travel through the urethra tube which is the reason you feel like you have to pee. You will not pee. The PC muscle tells the urethra which to release. (Just like in penis owners.)

If in fact you took in a nice slow breath to the count of four and release it to a count of six you will relax your muscles and ride that feeling.  Breathe slow until the sensation changes to pleasure and begin to breath shallow, a count of two and release of one.  As the intensity increases speed up your shallow breathing, make noise, stay in the moment, and enjoy every second of it through ejaculation.  Whatever you are doing to stimulate the Gspot, do not stop until the orgasm is fully over. The Aspot will not get you there.  While you will feel like you must pee it’s not as intense of a sensation.  The pleasure quickly casts over the urge to pee and you will find yourself having a very pleasurable orgasm.  The difference is the ejaculation.

The vaginal secretion grows with Aspot stimulation and you become wetter.  The Aspot is in front of the cervix at the top about 4-6 inches in.   Be careful, the cervix is right there and may be painful to the touch for some. The Gspot is located within 2-3 inches in the vagina on the top.  You will find that this is pretty shallow in the vagina.  It is, in fact, you may feel as if you are going to pop out.  Staying in this space, however, is the area that will swell with arousal making it more and more sensitive as you stimulate it. In case you were wondering, these zones are not actually spots.  There is not a button you will feel or be able to push to cause orgasm.  These are areas within the vagina.  So, feel around the space and take note of the receiver’s response.  When you find the best area, stay there, and move slow then to an increased pace based on your lover. So, give yourself some grace and practice stimulating both areas.  Notice the differences in the two and realize that your experience is only going to be as great as you make it. 

Rest easy that the ejaculate is not pee and that you’re not broken if you don’t ejaculate from vaginal stimulation. There are many other areas of pleasure within the vagina, but I won’t overwhelm you.  Play with these two and have fun building great orgasms.

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What To Do With The Rest of Him

http://magazine.asnlifestylemagazine.com/books/ttul/#p=19

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Multiple Orgasms

http://magazine.asnlifestylemagazine.com/books/jekk/#p=150

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Erogenous Zones: Hot-Spots that Will Drive Him Wild!

https://www.sexpert.com/erogenous-zones-hot-spots-that-will-drive-him-wild/

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Causes of Painful intercourse (or Dyspareunia) & How to Treat Them

https://sexpert.com/causes-of-painful-intercourse-or-dyspareunia-how-to-treat-them/
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Relationships are hard…..

Relationships take work.  Extra work.  Partly because society defines what relationships are supposed to look like and partly because coupling means you must lend parts of yourself to your partner and that is where the hard work comes in.  In order to give, you must have what is needed.  Which means you must keep yourself at a level where you are not giving up too much of yourself.  That you are not losing yourself into the relationship and any pitfalls it may have.

If your partner needs emotional support, be there for them. But if the request requires you to go outside of values or self-identified breaking points, then you have to be able to stand up for yourself and let your partner know that you are unable to support them at the given time on the given topic.

There are several ways that you can let your partner know that you love and care for them.  Things that you can do to keep lust alive, keep the gates of communication open and be sexually fulfilled.  Being able to do things such as giving validation, compliments and emotional support. Be all in love, intimacy, sex and romance. Be willing to work through difficulties and disagreements.  Having a sense of humor may help you move through challenges. Naturally we want constant, kind and honest communication which includes being open to sharing life’s lessons with them.

Communication is key. Having something to say is very important. Most of us can talk forever with our parents, platonic friends or even ourselves, but find it hard to speak to someone who we have a romantic relationship with.  This means that you may have to practice how to converse without running out of thing to say.  You can overcome running out of things to say by practicing conversing.

Talk about what you enjoy. Your mate will respond to your passion about the topic.  Show your interest in a conversation by talking about traveling, or work in an amusing way.  Be sure you leave room for your mate to share a story as well.  Ask lots of questions.  I mean, don’t drill them, just ask questions about their day, their past and possibly what the future looks like.  Make something silly interesting. Joking starts a conversation about something silly and is a great conversation continuance.  If you had to tell a story about something you hate or that bothers you, don’t sound like your whining about it. You want them to believe that you are sharing something intimate.

Try to say the right thing without stressing about it.  This again, will show confidence and confidence is sexy.  Neutral conversations are best when you are trying to stay connected with your mate. Be sure you express sexual interest when appropriate in conversations.  A silent moment in the conversation is not necessarily a bad thing. Use it to collect your thoughts, absorb what your mate is saying or simply to enjoy each other. 

Relationships are hard.  The longer they last, the more you need to work at it.  Keeping things fresh and keeping the connection alive is crucial.  Don’t let society tell you what your relationship should look like. Use the power of communication to create a relationship that is absolutely amazing for the both of you.