This is not a myth! You can master your masturbation sessions and make each one of them orgasmic. If orgasm is your goal, then it includes figuring out your orgasm formula. The math is: ? +/- ? = Orgasm. The question marks can be anything, any combination of things. Because we do not have a history of conversations about sex for pleasure, many of us are without the language to explore it. As an Orgasm coach, I have spent a lot of time researching the orgasm and its puzzling pieces. There are many things that need to take place for an orgasm to be achieved. There MUST be arousal. You will not be able to enjoy an explosive, memorable orgasm without arousal.
During arousal hormones are released that cause the penis to erect and the vagina to secret a natural lubricant. The plateau is at full arousal, but not orgasm. The body is fully engaged in stimulation and pleasure. Then there is the orgasm. The release and peak of ejaculate. All humans, without prohibitive medical issues, can ejaculate. Which leads to the final phase – resolution. Post orgasm is when the breath is hard to catch, the muscles that were tight are relaxing while your genitals are contracting and the combination of hormones flowing through your head and body make you feel completely relaxed.
This is the completion of the sexual response cycle. You can go through this cycle with or without a mate(s). One of my favorite topics to teach is the art of masturbating. Masturbation takes a little bit of confidence and a safe environment. Not “safe”, behind closed and locked doors or under the basement steps. A space where you can be free to explore your body’s pleasure points at your pace, without shame or guilt and most definitely as free with your exploration as possible. Take the time to set up your space for your personal love making. Whatever that looks like for you. Candles, a steamy bath, a toy or two, lube. Definitely lube. Even if you think that you get as slippery as a slide, lube will change the feeling of touch and pressure that you will find much funnier. Place everything you may need within arm’s reach. This will allow you to flow freely through the process you choose to take.
When you have set the stage, give yourself permission to take pleasure from your touch. When you begin to pass your hands over all parts of the flesh that you can reach, take note of how your body is responding to it. Can you feel tingles or feel yourself holding your breathe in certain areas? This is what you want to feel. You don’t have to go from your head to your toe. You can touch wherever you wish, especially where you already know is pleasing to touch. When you feel your arousal building, welcome it. Allow it to wash over your body and become the catalyst for your next move. Hopefully you pre-clicked the lid on the lube making it easier for you to use without interruption.
Include your nipples, tug at your chest hairs, hug yourself, use your heels to rub pressure through your other calf. Muscle tension plays a role in orgasm, but don’t hold onto that tension. Breathe through it. Take in slow breaths to a count of four or six and letting it out slowly for four. Allow this flow of air to ride the wave of pleasure that you are creating. If you are stroking your penis, do it with the in and outtake of your breath, which should be increasing and working its’ way to panting. If you find that placing fingers in your vagina, or your mouth, takes you steps closer to release, then keep up what you are doing. Don’t worry about the way your body is moving or what you sound like; especially how loud you are.
Relax. Don’t give up your permission to have this experience. Masturbation that leads to orgasms are a great mechanism to reach my prescribed goal of three orgasms a week. The release of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin flooding your brain and coursing through your body, has the ability to lower your blood pressure and cortisol levels. They act as an antidepressant and antihistamine due to the relaxation of your body and muscles, you let go of stress and enjoy the feel good, cuddly pool of bliss you have created. In addition, it relives pain – yes even headaches. I believe that if people know these benefits, they will have more orgasms and if you are going to do that, you should do it for and with pleasure. Masturbate and learn your orgasm formula and then use appropriate language to share this with your lover(s). #HappyNewYear