Category: Blogs and Articles Written By Debra Shade

This is not a myth! You can master your masturbation sessions and make each one of them orgasmic. If orgasm is your goal, then it includes figuring out your orgasm formula. The math is: ? +/- ? = Orgasm. The question marks can be anything, any combination of things. Because we do not have a history of conversations about sex for pleasure, many of us are without the language to explore it.  As an Orgasm coach, I have spent a lot of time researching the orgasm and its puzzling pieces.  There are many things that need to take place for an orgasm to be achieved.  There MUST be arousal. You will not be able to enjoy an explosive, memorable orgasm without arousal.

During arousal hormones are released that cause the penis to erect and the vagina to secret a natural lubricant.  The plateau is at full arousal, but not orgasm.  The body is fully engaged in stimulation and pleasure. Then there is the orgasm. The release and peak of ejaculate. All humans, without prohibitive medical issues, can ejaculate. Which leads to the final phase – resolution. Post orgasm is when the breath is hard to catch, the muscles that were tight are relaxing while your genitals are contracting and the combination of hormones flowing through your head and body make you feel completely relaxed.

This is the completion of the sexual response cycle. You can go through this cycle with or without a mate(s). One of my favorite topics to teach is the art of masturbating.  Masturbation takes a little bit of confidence and a safe environment. Not “safe”, behind closed and locked doors or under the basement steps.  A space where you can be free to explore your body’s pleasure points at your pace, without shame or guilt and most definitely as free with your exploration as possible. Take the time to set up your space for your personal love making.  Whatever that looks like for you. Candles, a steamy bath, a toy or two, lube. Definitely lube. Even if you think that you get as slippery as a slide, lube will change the feeling of touch and pressure that you will find much funnier. Place everything you may need within arm’s reach. This will allow you to flow freely through the process you choose to take.

When you have set the stage, give yourself permission to take pleasure from your touch. When you begin to pass your hands over all parts of the flesh that you can reach, take note of how your body is responding to it.  Can you feel tingles or feel yourself holding your breathe in certain areas? This is what you want to feel.  You don’t have to go from your head to your toe.  You can touch wherever you wish, especially where you already know is pleasing to touch. When you feel your arousal building, welcome it.  Allow it to wash over your body and become the catalyst for your next move. Hopefully you pre-clicked the lid on the lube making it easier for you to use without interruption.

Include your nipples, tug at your chest hairs, hug yourself, use your heels to rub pressure through your other calf.  Muscle tension plays a role in orgasm, but don’t hold onto that tension.  Breathe through it. Take in slow breaths to a count of four or six and letting it out slowly for four. Allow this flow of air to ride the wave of pleasure that you are creating. If you are stroking your penis, do it with the in and outtake of your breath, which should be increasing and working its’ way to panting. If you find that placing fingers in your vagina, or your mouth, takes you steps closer to release, then keep up what you are doing.  Don’t worry about the way your body is moving or what you sound like; especially how loud you are.

Relax. Don’t give up your permission to have this experience. Masturbation that leads to orgasms are a great mechanism to reach my prescribed goal of three orgasms a week.  The release of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin flooding your brain and coursing through your body, has the ability to lower your blood pressure and cortisol levels.  They act as an antidepressant and antihistamine due to the relaxation of your body and muscles, you let go of stress and enjoy the feel good, cuddly pool of bliss you have created.  In addition, it relives pain – yes even headaches. I believe that if people know these benefits, they will have more orgasms and if you are going to do that, you should do it for and with pleasure. Masturbate and learn your orgasm formula and then use appropriate language to share this with your lover(s).   #HappyNewYear

https://www.sexpert.com/become-the-masturbation-master/

Pee comes from your bladder. Understanding a little bit about anatomy allows you to explore pleasurable sensation, especially if they lead to a climax. Especially when that climax is ejaculatory. When you get the chance, Google “Skene’s Glands” and get lost in articles and studies that indicate that the Skene’s Glands hold urine. The glands, there are 2 of them, are located on either side of the urethra. Studies show that they secrete in and outside of the urethra creating wetness that is helpful. I cringe when I hear or read an individual staying that squirting is pee. Why do I mention squirting? Because the fluid that is ejaculated comes from the Skene’s Glands. I simply don’t understand the confusion. Why does most of the research and studies done to determine what squirting is reports that it is inconclusive after all this time. It seems so clear to me. Sperm does not come from the bladder of a penis owner. How would it make sense that they are also called the “female prostate” because the development, and makeup of the glands are the same as the prostate in males? Penis’s do not dispel pee and sperm at the same time. Right. We know this. So why is it so “inconclusive” that the female glands are not ejecting pee.

The glands lubricate the vagina during arousal and are surrounded with clitoral tissue that swells during arousal as well. When they fill with fluid, they can eject between 1.6907oz to .2377oz. I tell people that it’s between a teaspoon and two cups. It feels like you have to pee. It feels like your bladder is full. Have you ever stopped sex because you thought you were about to pee? Many have. As an Orgasm Coach, I tell people to use that as a sign that your orgasm is building, and you should begin to relax and breathe into the feeling. Allow it to wash over you and let that feeling go down the belly to the vagina and the glands will do the rest. They ejaculate a clear liquid, with no smell. If this is not the case, if it has a smell or coloration, the person needs to seek medical attention. There could be an imbalance that is causing an infection of some sort. The orgasm is all consuming, head to toe bliss. It is because this fluid shares the urethra that feeling like you need to pee exist. Although if it was, pee is 95% water, and a little golden shower hasn’t hurt anyone. Kidding. Be comfortable in knowing that you are not peeing on your partner. Like the penis born body, it is not possible to pee and ejaculate at the same time.

The glands are also important for both urinary and sexual health. The more intense your orgasm is the better benefits you are receiving. There are several hormones that are activated and aid in the process of orgasm. Endorphins and oxytocin, the feel-good hormones are released the earliest. Oxytocin also wipes out cortisol which is the major stress hormone. There are over 30 active parts of the brain involved in orgasm. The rest is in your bodies ability to listen and react to the brain. If it feels good, keep it up. The pleasure chemical dopamine is released and aids in the feeling of pleasure, which gives you the motivation to do something when you are feeling this pleasure. Plus, orgasms, especially squirting orgasms, boost your immune system. If you are having an active sex life, like twice a week, you will increase your immunoglobulin A by 30% which boosts immunity. Finally, when you climax you release serotonin and DHEA which means if you pick up your orgasm quota you will boost your mood. Hence why we say that orgasms can help soothe depression.

To reach this Gspot, you go into the vagina about 2-3 inches. First you must know that the clitoris is much longer than the clitoris. The internal clitoris is long. The space that is at the curve (imagine a wishbone), in that ‘between’ space will swell with arousal and when stimulated with your fingers, penis or toy in the right position with the right pressure, speed and force, ejaculation will happen. With that stimulation the full Skene’s glands will release. If you are concerned about the cleanup put down some towels down first. Again, the fluid is harmless. The glands play a very important role in the process of squirting and sexual pleasure.