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Sex Down South 2022 Blew My Mind

Have you ever heard about the Sex Down South Conference? It just took place in Atlanta, GA at the Sheraton downtown from September 6 -9th.  IT WAS PHENOMENAL! Foremost it is a space for POC who seemed to be as queer as me and completely open to what the weekend was sure to hold.  I was so excited to be surrounded by so many people that looked like me and were in the field or interested in sex education. The workshops were so good and so fulfilling.  The workshop that I delivered was called Give Your Orgasm a Voice. I spoke about the A, C, P, G, V, Deep, Cul de Sac and of course clitoral orgasms. We talked about how you can build multiple orgasms by understanding where in the vagina these areas are. My passion area. Orgasms.  I absolutely loved the conversation we had. While the audience was mostly vagina owners, there were a few penis owners, and I was so glad to see them.  I am always pleased to have penis owners who play with vaginas, in my vaginal orgasm courses. I feel like I am sneaky them knowledge that will make them better lovers.

The workshops where layered so I missed a few that I wanted to attend based on the title, I really wanted to attend but I got really interested in the one I was sitting in.  The other workshops were stella I hear.  Unbelievable movement in Perele Noire, a black burlesque icon’s workshop. She has performed this workshop all over the Country. Yes, I was moving on my recently replaced knee with so much freedom in my sexuality and the way my body communicated it, that I felt lifted.  We danced with permission from our ancestors, and we became present with our seductive selves.  Our energy filled the room as we had to moan and grunt out our feelings. Then there was Queen Jaae who delivered on being black and kinky. I really connected with this one because I am developing a workshop on the POC culture of Kink vs. Disapproval, discipline and negativity.

People were walking around naked; vendors were selling the most interesting products of sexual pleasure and education.  There where actually three vendors who had created an adult game for date night or party. Games that made it impossible for your mate not to share their truth.  I remember looking for adult games that included real black culture issues within relationships and coming up blank.  I am proud to have met three game makers.  I can’t forget to share the end of the evening. A party called the Little Bang and on Saturday the Big Bang was packed with erotic, sexual entertainment.  I witness a full body oil massage where the masseuse used her entire body to slide, drag, hump, and gyrate as she was applying pressure in his muscles. Flipping herself from his head to toe and back again.  Totally arousing and stimulating. I have got to be on one end of this type of massage as soon as possible.

I know, I have been word vomiting about this conference, but I truly had the best time, and this is my third year going and my first time presenting. Bookmark ‘’ and follow the journey to next year. Buy your ticket early and be prepared to be challenged and uplifted in the same breath. If you are a sex educator, this is a great conference to be associated with.  Watch for their posting calling for proposals and/or vendors.  The variety in vendors was also amazing.  There weren’t six tables all selling dildos.  There where businesses and organizations that represented women studies, black male mental health, HIV erasure, a bookstore brought in sex education, erotica and other books and magazines.  Really, there was so much going on.  It wasn’t until the last day that I was there that I found in a hallway an aftercare space where you could go in and join a snuggle puddle, lay quietly, or get a back massage.

They even converted two of the conference rooms into a dungeon with the most interesting furniture.  A huge cage, X cross, spanking benches, shadow box and a few swings.  I liked that everything was portable.  I am in the market for portable furniture for my venue.  I am telling you; this conference touched my whole life!  I got so much from it.  Sex Down South proved to be a must attend conference.

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So many penis owners may tell you that any suggestion of anal is off the table. It’s a hard no they say. They simply don’t believe the pleasure that exist with anal sex does not equate to being “gay”. Anal sex is possible by all humans because we all have an anus. The only way to reach the prostate, which is internal, is through the rectum. You can also touch against the prostate by pressing against the perineum between the scrotum and the anus. That fine thin line there, with a little pressure will bring on the need to ejaculate. This technique is called a doorbell.

Because you are pressing in at the space like you would a bell. A hand job is an easy add-on to anal sex for the giver and the receiver. You should pick up the pace as climax approaches, stroking the entire length of the shaft. The bottom of it all, is that to touch the prostate (P-spot) for anal orgasm is to enter the rectum about two inches in and make a come-hither motion with your finger or use a toy to reach them. It feels like waves of pleasure that starts off deep inside their body and then spreads throughout the rest of the body. Many say that it is equative to a G-spot orgasm for vulva owners.

A large part of the hesitation for penis owners is the belief that anal is painful. Pain does not have to be a part of the process. Anal takes patience and a whole lot of lube. While there may be minor discomfort the first time or two, if the giver is taught how to give, the pleasure will be there from start to finish. Severe pain means that you must stop instantly. The anus does not secrete its own fluids, hence the need for lube. Without it, you can tear, break and bruise the rectum. Be sure to prep the anus inside and out. Use your finger to trace the rim, slowly enter the anus. At this stage you do not want to go in and out, you want to keep moving forward into the anus. The receiver should be relaxed and aroused. Once you have successfully entered and lubricated the anus you can insert the penis or a toy. Again, do not thrust until you are fully in. If the receiver is on their knees and relaxes their spine, it will flatten the sigmoid colon at the base of the intensions. Relaxing this ‘S’ shape will allow the depth of penetration needed to stimulate the prostrate without pain. Once you are fully in, try to stay in so that re-entry is not a mood killer.

Milking the prostate is stimulating them by any means in which there is an ejaculation of the fluid built up into the prostate. The more turned on you are, the more enjoyable anal will be for you. You can fantasize, watch your favorite type of porn or listen to music that arouses and relaxes you. You need to present yourself ready for this milking. Take a hot bath or shower in which you can stimulate erogenous zones that will get your juices flowing for the act itself. The hot water will loosen tight muscles and increase blood flow to the area. As an Orgasm Coach, I tell my clients to practice anal first. Use a butt plug, (which comes in many sizes), again taking things slow and find pleasure by teasing the rim before you enter.

Now, as the giver you need to be confident in the ability to follow through with anal play. You should do a few things that will help you deliver a great experience. Make sure your nails are clean and shaped, preferably short, so that when you prep the area, you will not damage the skin in anyway. As in any sex act, your hygiene is important. You could wear latex gloves with cotton balls at the tips for comfort. It is advantageous to use a condom. You can use them on a toy or your fingers as well as the folic. If you opt to use your tongue you can use a dental dam made from a cut open condom or saran wrap. If you are not in the best mood, you should avoid giving anal. It takes your ability to provide kissing, touching and licking of the area to give the person pleasure and get them aroused and ready for the entry.

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Penis Worshipping

The BDSM community is close knit in most communities all over the world When you find your happy dungeon, you have found a home in which you can enjoy your fetishes in a safe space. BDSM play is ever changing and looks different for all players. I could not create an exhaustive list of all the versions of play that can be developed. It is heavily dependent on the wants of the players. Many individuals outside of the community believe that BDSM is some sort of abuse because they see the relationship between dom and sub as something the sub has no control over. This is so far from the truth and the reality of the practice.

How does someone enter the world of BDSM? This is different for everyone. A little exploration and you can find your local dungeons and/or swingers clubs. I am so excited that I can offer a place to play in Columbus, OH where all humans are free to come and play. Newbies can inquire about the space and visit on Thursdays so that they can explore their pleasure points. I opened Shades Oasis with the intent to offer the BDSM community a location in an area highly underserved. The Midwest is known for its sexual activity and diversity in what people find pleasure in. I have been hosting kink parties all over the East Coast and opening my own space is a real dream come true. Masters in my area have helped me in creating a dungeon space where submissive and dominates can receive the pleasure they seek. So, if you are ever in the area, come check out Shades Oasis. As a Clinical Sexologist I guide individuals through multiple orgasms and deliver a workshop during my events. One of the things that many people ask me to talk to them about is what to do with the rest of the penis born body. Meaning, after a hand job or a blow job then what?

I always suggest penis worshipping. Phallicism is what genital worshipping is. It is mainly performed in cuckold-type scenarios and can be done with no contact at all. An understanding of the penis structure will help in understanding pleasure points that you can stimulate to add additional pleasure and excitement. A penis is twice as long as you think. Half the length of the penis is inside of the body. A healthy penis has five to six erections per day. Most of them nocturnal. While it is not clear why it happens, it is a sign that the penis is healthy. Individuals who understand their penis health can speak up about their penis pleasure. Letting the worshipper know what is going to work for them. A penile erection can point in virtually any direction, straight ahead, left, or right, up, or down, there’s no right or wrong. The opening at the tip of the penis is the opening of the urethra tube. This tube is where sperm and urine pass through. Usually, the owner may feel a full bladder when they are about to ejaculate. As the giver, knowing that the urethra opening can be stimulated for pleasure, means you can add a move when you get to the mouth portion of the ceremony.

As the giver, be sure you stay mindful that the penis has no bone. It is very possible to break the penis through vigorous sex but is less likely to happen if you are performing a blow job. Worshipping requires more of a verbal or fellatio activity. Saying things like, “Your penis/dick is so powerful”, or “It looks so powerful”. Keeping eye contact, whisper things that lets them know you appreciate the privilege of worshipping the penis. The same with fellatio. Allow yourself to enjoy the penis. Moaning lets them know you are loving it. However, you express your passion, let it wash over you so that you can have pleasure as well. What you need to do is focus on the penis unless the discussion was had about touching other areas of the genitals. For example, the raphe is the dividing line that runs across the middle of their genitalia from the anus to the tip of the penis, down over the perineum, scrotum, and shaft. You can add intensity to the orgasm by using your tongue to trace over the line and teasing them into your mouth. The perineum is REALLY sensitive and worth exploring. Press your knuckles gently into this spot and start massaging. Right as they are about to orgasm, push your knuckles a little deeper to extend the fireworks.

A quick tip, don’t make this your porno appearance. Don’t say anything that is not believable or personal. This is meant to build a bond between you two so there is no need to shout your compliments. You really can focus on anything but try to be as genuine as possible. Commenting on taste, length, girth, smoothness, lumps, veins, and bumps. This will give them newfound confidence in their naked form and free themselves from insecurities or they can dominate you in your submissive role.

Try to spice things up with something totally pleasurable like a reverse finger job. Tell them that the “penis is so large”, or “your girth is amazing” while you are making two tight rings around the penis with your thumb and index finger, stacking them one on top of the other in the middle of the shaft. Twist the rings in opposite directions moving from middle to the top and base of the shaft at the same time. This will cause great excitement that they will feel in their belly. Testicles have a seam that keeps the scrotums in separate sacks. It is a nerve rich pleasure trail that runs top to bottom along the scrotum. Cradle the balls in one hand while gently pressing the first two fingertips of your other hand into the top of the crease, close to where the testicles connect to the base of the penis. Then trace downward with your fingers until you reach the bottom of the scrotum. It is important to be deliberate in your movements and keep eye contact with your mate.

You can also add pleasure by using a cock ring to extend the play. The more wet the fellatio is, the better it feels for the receiver. Keep adding wetness as you move the penis in your mouth. To add visual pleasure, place your hands behind your back submissively and allow him to “Feed you their dick” upon request. That’s right, you need to worship the penis continuously verbally through the entire scene. They love to see your eyes and the expression you are making to truly gauge how much you are enjoying yourself if that is part of the play. It could include humiliation in which they may be dominating you to worship their penis with a goal of not giving you any release. When you do perform, be sure that you are in a comfortable position to withstand however long it may take for the Dom to allow himself to cum. Happily, accept the ejaculation and let him know “How great it is to taste him.”

Some more about penis worship that needs to be mentioned is that it has been an ancient eastern practice for generations. The act has been taught by master tantra practitioners as the experience can be quite intense and sensual. Cuckolding or humiliation might be something you want to give as a penis owner. Enjoy the experience with your mate and worship the penis with them. The possibilities are open to what ever your comfort level is. What boundary did you set and what are the goals you want to reach as a receiver and a giver? The number one issue that penis owners have around receiving worship is sexual anxiety. Maybe they have issues about the shape, appearance, size or even function of their penis. It becomes an antidote of confidence as you accept the adoration and love being showed to you. Regardless of the descriptions of the giver, worshipping a penis can be done in various of ways.

Many individuals aim to celebrate everything about their partner’s cock and strive to make them feel empowered, dominate, and aroused. Of course, this can be done with a strap on as well. It reinforces dominate and submissive roles. Many set the environment up for play. Perform a sort of ceremonial style environment. There are two sides to every experience so give it a shot, it has some great benefits, including healing emotional scars about past penis insecurities. Many people feel happy when they can make others feel happy. This excitement on the givers part adds pleasure to the scene. Use it to say, “Thank you for this penis.” Penis worship allows you to get all your sexual adoration out and grow closer with your partner.

The environment is important when it comes to cock worship. As it is a sensual practice, you have got to create and equally sensual environment. It is hard to focus on the ceremony if you have laundry in the corner of your eye or the bed unmade. Remove such distractions and make the room as sensual as possible with accessories, scents, and candles. Dimming the lights and presenting yourself clean, groomed, and prepared. We know that the receiver has a better experience when the groundwork to discover his hang-ups and pain points before play, allows them to relax into the experience or take control of the situation. The more things that they like that you can include in the ritual the better it will be. For it to be a great experience, you need to have enough time to do everything you want to do. It is not the same as a blowjob, allow yourself to focus fully on the ceremony and enjoy every part of it no matter how long it takes.

Whether you are in your bedroom, living room or local dungeon, do your best to set the space. Then invite them into it to let the scene began. You can start with light kissing and then based on the situation undress your mate or lower their pants. Be sure that you are giving them enough time to warm up. This is important as you must be aroused to produce orgasm. If you don’t allow them this time, not only will it take longer but you will see less cock to worship. Pick up on signs of pleasure and arousal before you begin the ceremony fully. Slide down to the level of the cock and be sure you are enthusiastic about what you see. That is the whole purpose. To show them how much you love and appreciate their penis.

Start slow and work your way up to the bigger stuff. Focus on each individual area of the genitalia. This includes the cock, balls, taint, and butt if you know your mate is into these things. Lightly touching and kissing the cock and these areas is a good way to start your worship. Your hands become important if you can use them in the right way. You are not going to jerk the penis off. This is not a hand job either. This is much different, instead of jerking you massage the penis. If you find yourself doing the actions of a hand job you may shorten the experience by making them cum. You should try to use your hands to massage and show adoration to the cock, slow, deep massaging movements. Of course, adding oils makes it a little more sensual.

Next, get your mouth involved. Don’t fall into a blow job, keep up slower movement that focus on areas of the cock. Use your tongue to stimulate the tip of the penis, hold it in your mouth to feel its fullness. If you really like the feel of a cock in your month, let them know this. It may give them more pleasure knowing that you are enjoying their most powerful source. When the scene is over, you and your mate should debrief and discuss how confident, aroused, and empowered they feel. This may bring up a request for further play. They may ask you to do something you already did or have some other idea of worship they want you to perform. Lastly, the worship may or may not bring release to the receiver so you may have to finish them off. You can move onto some sexual things that help you both climax.

Finally, use one of these positions to deliver the best worship scene. The kneeling BJ position requires you to be on your knees in front of them while they are standing upright. The Boss Chair is to have the receiver sit in a comfortable chair and then you kneel in front of them. This should place the cock right where you need it to make worshipping comfortable for you. This makes it easier for you to position close enough to perform in this position that gives the receiver a sense of empowerment. The Doctor Position is performed on a sofa. They lie down with their head propped up on the armrest or pillow. You kneel at the side of the sofa to perform worship. This is a totally relaxing position allowing them to focus fully on you and your worship.
Using the technique of the Lingam-heart ritual, you can control the flow of sexual energy between two partners. The Lingam is a Sanskrit word that means ‘wand of light.’ Place one hand on the ‘Lingam(cock)’ and the other on their heart and picture the flow of energy between these two points. Again, get your accessories together and add them into the game. Role play and if you want to reverse the roles, pussy worship is just the same. Learn more about this sacred practice. It is not something that you should do every day. Keep it a special act that you can do when you have the time. There is more than the orgasm to be enjoyed by participants. Regardless of what your skill level in BDSM scenes, you can learn to worship a penis. You can learn to use energy and space to create a level of arousal that they may release. There is much more that you can do with the penis born body, but I will tell you that in another article. Have a great month full of orgasms.

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Kink or Fetish

The difference between a Kink or Fetish is the level of commitment to the activity.  If it is something that is wanted and increases sexual pleasure to a point where you may or may not have an orgasm, this is a kink.  A fetish is when you MUST have the item or fantasy in order to experience an orgasm.


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Dating Tips and The Art of Flirting

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Games You Shouldn’t Play

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Why You Should Attend A Cuddle Party

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Your “O” Is Your Responsibility

As a Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert I spend my time helping couples and individuals through barriers to their O. As an Orgasm Coach, I have been successful in working with individuals to teach them how to be responsible for their own orgasm. Think about how hard it could be to ask for what you want when you’re getting busy. If you have no hesitations, you’re in a special class. Most are very timid when it comes to discussing sex for pleasure. Their pleasure, so they spend way too much time having lack luster experiences. I’m an advocate for modern day sex education. Education that speaks to the reality of healthy sex. Healthy sex includes being able to speak up for your orgasm. How do you do that? You learn everything you can about your orgasm. If you have never had one, this information is good for you too. An orgasm is the completion of the Sexual Response Cycle. The cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Everyone with sexual interest can complete this cycle.

I guide my clients and friends to masturbate several times a week. Each time, allow yourself to be very aware of what you are doing to bring on your pleasure. Before you jump to a “clinical” situation, you can use mindfulness in pleasure. Be very in tune with what moves your making, with whatever method you are using, will teach you what it takes to create your orgasm. Masturbation is fun, but sex with others can be funnier. After reading this, you should never have another lack luster experience regardless of your lovers’ experience. Learning how to do this may stretch your comfort level so do self-care if you read on. Be sure that you adhere to your gut and move at your own pace.

In order to speak up for your orgasm you should learn some of the language that you can use to explain to a lover what will get you there. For starters, now that your vulva, vagina, perineum and anus are all pleasure points. Within the vagina there are several spots(areas) that can be stimulated to orgasm. Some of these orgasms are shallow, leaving butterflies in your stomach and some are mind-blowing and memorable. For a vulva owner, these vaginal orgasms can be created alone and expanded upon with a mate. Here goes the good stuff. The vulva itself is a hot spot. Applying a little pressure to it will cause arousal for most. This is because you are stimulating the internal clitoris. On the outside of the vagina you can stimulate the clitoris, urethra opening, (Uspot) and the vaginal opening (Vspot).

All of the areas I share with you can be stimulate with fingers and toys. Figure out for yourself what sort of play you enjoy and build on that. This is important to keep in mind when you start to stimulate the inside of the vagina. The cervix (Cspot), Gspot, anterior fornix (Aspot), skene’s glands (Pspot), the deep spot and the cul de sac can all be sexually stimulated. A majority of these areas can be stimulated with various finger play techniques, some of them require a folic to manipulate. Using toys that vibrate may be helpful too. The Uspot is located below the clitoris and above the urethra opening. This is where urine comes from. This space is really sensitive to touch. The vaginal opening is where things can be placed inside. There are over 8,000 nerve endings within the first few inches of the vagina, be sure to spend time activating all of them.

The cervix may be painful for some to touch. It is a firm, muscle that has connecting tissues attached to it. With a lube finger or dildo, you can apply light pressure and a circular motion to bring on a Cspot orgasm. The Gspot still exist under a veil of confusion and myths. It is located 2-3 inches inside of the vagina in the upper wall. (right behind the pelvic bone) Stimulation requires an understanding of angles but know that positions that tilt forward toward the front wall are most likely to bring on a successful Gspot orgasm. This orgasm is not to bring about ejaculation from the vulva owner. This is normal and pleasurable. The Aspot is also located in the top of the vaginal wall. It is about 4-7 inches in, right before the cervix. You may even feel the cervix when attempting to reach the Aspot. Often confused with the Gspot, this orgasm can be quite intense but often does not result in ejaculation.

Similar to the prostate, the Pspot (skene’s glands), produce the fluid that is ejaculated. Pressing down on the lower vaginal wall will stimulate these glands and bring on much excitement. The sensation from this stimulation races up the spine and can be felt in the toes. The vaginal wall can be massaged and stroked to orgasm as well. Going all the way to the back of the vagina, passed the cervix, you will find the back wall or deep spot. With medium pressure, press against this space (thrusting only if wanted), usually medium is enough pressure to get you there. This is the same for the cul de sac. This area is located at the back of the vagina. You must go down into that space with fingers or a curved toy. It is hard to reach with a penis. This orgasm is intense and can result in ejaculate.

The vagina holds many wonders of pleasure. Learning which of these spots can bring you the most pleasure and figuring it out can be so much fun. Take what you learn and speak up for yourself when you’re with someone. Your orgasm is your responsibility, if you don’t stand up for it, you will not experience it. While it may be uncomfortable to share what you find out, you will be able to gain all of the benefits from orgasm. You can do it.

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Breath and Orgasm

Breath is so important in orgasm it holds the intensity of the experience at bay. You must find a way to master your breath during orgasm so that you can have the most fulfilling experience. Here is a little exercise you can do to train your body to breath mindfully. First, find a comfortable seat, be sure to sit upright, and take a regular deep breath in and out to prepare. With your next inhale, purse your lips like you were sipping through a straw. This allows you to control the air as it comes in.

Sip air slowly in, and engage your PC muscles at the very bottom, like you are stopping a stream of pee. Avoid the urge to clench your glutes. continue to sip air in and imagine you are zipping up the muscles around the energy that is lifting through the spine, keeping them engaged as you go. Pull in your lower abdominal muscles. Suck in your belly button. Draw your shoulders back and widen your collarbones. Tuck your chin in and lengthen the back of your neck, looking down gently. Once you are full of air, seal the lips and hold your breath with all muscles along the spine are engaged.

When you’re ready to release, open your mouth slightly and imagine energy pouring from the crown of the head, down the front of the body, now softening each muscle group on its way down. Relax the neck. Relax the shoulders. Let your belly hang out. Rest your lower abdominal muscles. Lastly, release the PC muscles completely and surrender. Repeat up to 15 times. When you are done, be sure to relax, and breathe normally for a few breaths while remaining in a state of surrender. Sometimes taking guidance from your hands mobbing up and down with breath can help. Enjoy the benefits of breath during your next orgasm.  Practice mindful breathing so that when the moment comes, you can tune in and have a more intense orgasmic experience. Good Luck.

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Endometriosis and Sexual Health