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Your “O” Is Your Responsibility

As a Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert I spend my time helping couples and individuals through barriers to their O. As an Orgasm Coach, I have been successful in working with individuals to teach them how to be responsible for their own orgasm. Think about how hard it could be to ask for what you want when you’re getting busy. If you have no hesitations, you’re in a special class. Most are very timid when it comes to discussing sex for pleasure. Their pleasure, so they spend way too much time having lack luster experiences. I’m an advocate for modern day sex education. Education that speaks to the reality of healthy sex. Healthy sex includes being able to speak up for your orgasm. How do you do that? You learn everything you can about your orgasm. If you have never had one, this information is good for you too. An orgasm is the completion of the Sexual Response Cycle. The cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Everyone with sexual interest can complete this cycle.

I guide my clients and friends to masturbate several times a week. Each time, allow yourself to be very aware of what you are doing to bring on your pleasure. Before you jump to a “clinical” situation, you can use mindfulness in pleasure. Be very in tune with what moves your making, with whatever method you are using, will teach you what it takes to create your orgasm. Masturbation is fun, but sex with others can be funnier. After reading this, you should never have another lack luster experience regardless of your lovers’ experience. Learning how to do this may stretch your comfort level so do self-care if you read on. Be sure that you adhere to your gut and move at your own pace.

In order to speak up for your orgasm you should learn some of the language that you can use to explain to a lover what will get you there. For starters, now that your vulva, vagina, perineum and anus are all pleasure points. Within the vagina there are several spots(areas) that can be stimulated to orgasm. Some of these orgasms are shallow, leaving butterflies in your stomach and some are mind-blowing and memorable. For a vulva owner, these vaginal orgasms can be created alone and expanded upon with a mate. Here goes the good stuff. The vulva itself is a hot spot. Applying a little pressure to it will cause arousal for most. This is because you are stimulating the internal clitoris. On the outside of the vagina you can stimulate the clitoris, urethra opening, (Uspot) and the vaginal opening (Vspot).

All of the areas I share with you can be stimulate with fingers and toys. Figure out for yourself what sort of play you enjoy and build on that. This is important to keep in mind when you start to stimulate the inside of the vagina. The cervix (Cspot), Gspot, anterior fornix (Aspot), skene’s glands (Pspot), the deep spot and the cul de sac can all be sexually stimulated. A majority of these areas can be stimulated with various finger play techniques, some of them require a folic to manipulate. Using toys that vibrate may be helpful too. The Uspot is located below the clitoris and above the urethra opening. This is where urine comes from. This space is really sensitive to touch. The vaginal opening is where things can be placed inside. There are over 8,000 nerve endings within the first few inches of the vagina, be sure to spend time activating all of them.

The cervix may be painful for some to touch. It is a firm, muscle that has connecting tissues attached to it. With a lube finger or dildo, you can apply light pressure and a circular motion to bring on a Cspot orgasm. The Gspot still exist under a veil of confusion and myths. It is located 2-3 inches inside of the vagina in the upper wall. (right behind the pelvic bone) Stimulation requires an understanding of angles but know that positions that tilt forward toward the front wall are most likely to bring on a successful Gspot orgasm. This orgasm is not to bring about ejaculation from the vulva owner. This is normal and pleasurable. The Aspot is also located in the top of the vaginal wall. It is about 4-7 inches in, right before the cervix. You may even feel the cervix when attempting to reach the Aspot. Often confused with the Gspot, this orgasm can be quite intense but often does not result in ejaculation.

Similar to the prostate, the Pspot (skene’s glands), produce the fluid that is ejaculated. Pressing down on the lower vaginal wall will stimulate these glands and bring on much excitement. The sensation from this stimulation races up the spine and can be felt in the toes. The vaginal wall can be massaged and stroked to orgasm as well. Going all the way to the back of the vagina, passed the cervix, you will find the back wall or deep spot. With medium pressure, press against this space (thrusting only if wanted), usually medium is enough pressure to get you there. This is the same for the cul de sac. This area is located at the back of the vagina. You must go down into that space with fingers or a curved toy. It is hard to reach with a penis. This orgasm is intense and can result in ejaculate.

The vagina holds many wonders of pleasure. Learning which of these spots can bring you the most pleasure and figuring it out can be so much fun. Take what you learn and speak up for yourself when you’re with someone. Your orgasm is your responsibility, if you don’t stand up for it, you will not experience it. While it may be uncomfortable to share what you find out, you will be able to gain all of the benefits from orgasm. You can do it.

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Breath and Orgasm

Breath is so important in orgasm it holds the intensity of the experience at bay. You must find a way to master your breath during orgasm so that you can have the most fulfilling experience. Here is a little exercise you can do to train your body to breath mindfully. First, find a comfortable seat, be sure to sit upright, and take a regular deep breath in and out to prepare. With your next inhale, purse your lips like you were sipping through a straw. This allows you to control the air as it comes in.

Sip air slowly in, and engage your PC muscles at the very bottom, like you are stopping a stream of pee. Avoid the urge to clench your glutes. continue to sip air in and imagine you are zipping up the muscles around the energy that is lifting through the spine, keeping them engaged as you go. Pull in your lower abdominal muscles. Suck in your belly button. Draw your shoulders back and widen your collarbones. Tuck your chin in and lengthen the back of your neck, looking down gently. Once you are full of air, seal the lips and hold your breath with all muscles along the spine are engaged.

When you’re ready to release, open your mouth slightly and imagine energy pouring from the crown of the head, down the front of the body, now softening each muscle group on its way down. Relax the neck. Relax the shoulders. Let your belly hang out. Rest your lower abdominal muscles. Lastly, release the PC muscles completely and surrender. Repeat up to 15 times. When you are done, be sure to relax, and breathe normally for a few breaths while remaining in a state of surrender. Sometimes taking guidance from your hands mobbing up and down with breath can help. Enjoy the benefits of breath during your next orgasm.  Practice mindful breathing so that when the moment comes, you can tune in and have a more intense orgasmic experience. Good Luck.

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It’s G Not A

There are erogenous zones within the vagina that can cause orgasm. One for sure is ejaculatory. Squirting. Vulva ejaculation is something that I get asked about all the time.  As an Orgasm Coach, being able to get an individual to experience an ejaculatory orgasm gives me gold stars.  It is an exciting act to watch and feel.  The problem is, it’s often confused with the Aspot.  The Anterior Fornix is a very sensitive source of pleasure.  Intense pleasure. But for most, not the kind that will cause you to ejaculate. 

Thus, the problem. Many are disappointed because they feel such intense pleasure with no ejaculation and figure they are broken or can’t produce the fluid.  The fluid is created in the Skene’s Glands and builds as arousal builds. This fluid is different than the secretion that lubricates the vaginal wall. This fluid is special and full of healthy vitamins and hormones. Minus any effects of medications or hormone issues, you can produce this fluid. As it builds the feeling of pressure in the bladder becomes noticeable.  So much so that you think you may pee. Often, stopping the play to go to the bathroom.  You may or may not actually go.  The feeling is coming from the urethra tube preparing to release the ejaculate.  Both urine and the ejaculate travel through the urethra tube which is the reason you feel like you have to pee. You will not pee. The PC muscle tells the urethra which to release. (Just like in penis owners.)

If in fact you took in a nice slow breath to the count of four and release it to a count of six you will relax your muscles and ride that feeling.  Breathe slow until the sensation changes to pleasure and begin to breath shallow, a count of two and release of one.  As the intensity increases speed up your shallow breathing, make noise, stay in the moment, and enjoy every second of it through ejaculation.  Whatever you are doing to stimulate the Gspot, do not stop until the orgasm is fully over. The Aspot will not get you there.  While you will feel like you must pee it’s not as intense of a sensation.  The pleasure quickly casts over the urge to pee and you will find yourself having a very pleasurable orgasm.  The difference is the ejaculation.

The vaginal secretion grows with Aspot stimulation and you become wetter.  The Aspot is in front of the cervix at the top about 4-6 inches in.   Be careful, the cervix is right there and may be painful to the touch for some. The Gspot is located within 2-3 inches in the vagina on the top.  You will find that this is pretty shallow in the vagina.  It is, in fact, you may feel as if you are going to pop out.  Staying in this space, however, is the area that will swell with arousal making it more and more sensitive as you stimulate it. In case you were wondering, these zones are not actually spots.  There is not a button you will feel or be able to push to cause orgasm.  These are areas within the vagina.  So, feel around the space and take note of the receiver’s response.  When you find the best area, stay there, and move slow then to an increased pace based on your lover. So, give yourself some grace and practice stimulating both areas.  Notice the differences in the two and realize that your experience is only going to be as great as you make it. 

Rest easy that the ejaculate is not pee and that you’re not broken if you don’t ejaculate from vaginal stimulation. There are many other areas of pleasure within the vagina, but I won’t overwhelm you.  Play with these two and have fun building great orgasms.