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Relationships are hard.....

Relationships are hard…..

Relationships take work.  Extra work.  Partly because society defines what relationships are supposed to look like and partly because coupling means you must lend parts of yourself to your partner and that is where the hard work comes in.  In order to give, you must have what is needed.  Which means you must keep yourself at a level where you are not giving up too much of yourself.  That you are not losing yourself into the relationship and any pitfalls it may have.

If your partner needs emotional support, be there for them. But if the request requires you to go outside of values or self-identified breaking points, then you have to be able to stand up for yourself and let your partner know that you are unable to support them at the given time on the given topic.

There are several ways that you can let your partner know that you love and care for them.  Things that you can do to keep lust alive, keep the gates of communication open and be sexually fulfilled.  Being able to do things such as giving validation, compliments and emotional support. Be all in love, intimacy, sex and romance. Be willing to work through difficulties and disagreements.  Having a sense of humor may help you move through challenges. Naturally we want constant, kind and honest communication which includes being open to sharing life’s lessons with them.

Communication is key. Having something to say is very important. Most of us can talk forever with our parents, platonic friends or even ourselves, but find it hard to speak to someone who we have a romantic relationship with.  This means that you may have to practice how to converse without running out of thing to say.  You can overcome running out of things to say by practicing conversing.

Talk about what you enjoy. Your mate will respond to your passion about the topic.  Show your interest in a conversation by talking about traveling, or work in an amusing way.  Be sure you leave room for your mate to share a story as well.  Ask lots of questions.  I mean, don’t drill them, just ask questions about their day, their past and possibly what the future looks like.  Make something silly interesting. Joking starts a conversation about something silly and is a great conversation continuance.  If you had to tell a story about something you hate or that bothers you, don’t sound like your whining about it. You want them to believe that you are sharing something intimate.

Try to say the right thing without stressing about it.  This again, will show confidence and confidence is sexy.  Neutral conversations are best when you are trying to stay connected with your mate. Be sure you express sexual interest when appropriate in conversations.  A silent moment in the conversation is not necessarily a bad thing. Use it to collect your thoughts, absorb what your mate is saying or simply to enjoy each other. 

Relationships are hard.  The longer they last, the more you need to work at it.  Keeping things fresh and keeping the connection alive is crucial.  Don’t let society tell you what your relationship should look like. Use the power of communication to create a relationship that is absolutely amazing for the both of you.

Author: Debra Shade
Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. As an Orgasm Coach, I help individuals and couples have their best experience. I consult on various topics of sexual exploration and acceptance.

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